A relationship is pretty much like inviting someone over for dinner
Life is not always what you expect, but without exception, everything you have imagined. Mankind’s favorite question by far is ‘why?’ The toughest yet most simplistic answer should always be ‘because’. Why are relationships so difficult? Why can’t we get (and stay!) in a happy paradigm? Why do people hurt us? Why, oh why?
Relationships are the most important journey any human being will ever embark on. It is the one thing that devastates us, lifts us up and leaves us desensitized. Strangely, even after saying ‘never again’, we fall into the next before a blink of an eye that shuts the world out. We don’t want this, but yet again we can’t live without it.
What is the significance of a relationship then? Why are we so compelled and desperate to submerge ourselves within a human retention vault of emotions if it’s really the last thing we want? Some people claim it has everything to do with hope and maybe a bit of faith. Our souls seek the depth of happiness and love and we would do anything to soar over the planes of tranquility on the wings of new found peace. Maybe this is more a fantasy than anything else.
Relationships are just that. It is an expression of how we relate to the world. Whatever a relationship and its participants bring to you is an exact manifestation of what you think of yourself and of what you believe you deserve. A painful past recurrence is your way of telling yourself that you will never be good enough. You will always attract relationships into your life to remind yourself of your failures. We don’t work from a place of perceived happiness. We use human drama to get what we want. Relationships is our play field where we use manipulation and victimization as rules for engagement and whomever can play the game best, wins.
It doesn’t have to be like this. Since you are a participant at any given moment and in some form of a relationship, you should give it some thought. First thought should be why this is not working? There are a zillion books and info on how to have the perfect relationship. Why is it not working? Because. This is such a beautiful word. To me it means ‘being the cause’.
It gets simpler from here. The moment you accept that you are the cause of your pain, this may get you to start thinking on ways to change your general experience in your relation to the world. Lists of what you want have been suggested, but what if you start making a list of what you are prepared to give? What if you can find it within yourself to become a giver and let the taker in you slowly disappear? If you don’t mind me quoting from ‘The Dark Side of Light’, a relationship is pretty much like inviting someone over for dinner. Someone will bring wine and flowers and someone will bring food. They will sit at the table, enjoy the wine, smell the flowers and eat the food in a space of sharing and togetherness. Afterwards there will be no argument revolving around the fact of who ate what and who drank the most wine. All participants decided before this took place on what they will bring to the feasting table.
Keeping to the concept of a dinner table, it is quite annoying when someone arrives for dinner, but without any contribution. They sit, have their meal and leave. They are also the type that will complain afterwards that the meat was too dry or there were too little salt in the food. This is what I mean by being a taker in a relationship. The guy at work, always complaining about his working conditions and how he should be paid more. A child who would be happier with their friend’s parents or the wife moaning about her husband’s frustrating little habits. Activists running around showing us pictures of devastation and wanting everyone to join their campaigns of saving just about everything on this planet. Maybe now is a good time to realize that the only thing in need of saving, that’s if you’re into it, would be yourself and there is only one who can do this… You. Take responsibility for your actions by admitting you are the cause of your own troubles and get thinking on things you want to give. And your entire list of why’s will be replaced by an immediate response of being the cause.